When You're Gone
by SunshineandFlamingoes
Summary: After Cristina's failed wedding, this is what happens. Things get broken, tears roll down. Updated already. What happens when she faces Burke? Will she run away, or will they start all over again. Burktina, slight MerDer.
1. Breakdown

Title: When You're Gone

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, Shonda owns Grey's and everything and everybody in it. I also don't own the song used.

Note: This is my first Grey's fic. I will damn sure reply to flames. Oh yeah, and Cristina has eyebrows. This is set after Season 3, let's just say his happened. This is from Cristina's POV. This has 2 chapters.

"He's gone. I'm free. Damn it."

_I always needed time in my own_

_I never thought I'd; need you there when I cried._

Meredith held me there as I sobbed. She tightened her grip on me as more tears rolled down. It feels like years. It feels like the whole room is closing in on me. Even with my best friend, I still feel alone.

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie is made up on your side_

It's just not supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be getting married. I told him I could do this. I could be Cristina Burke, wife of famous cardiothoracic surgeon Preston Burke. I guess that's just not meant to be.

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much how I need you right now?_

A few more hours passed until Meredith told me it was time for her to go. I held her hand. I don't want to be alone. I looked at her for some time until she sat down and she told me she won't go.

Now I wish Burke had not left. I need him.

_When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone the words I need to hear _

_To always get me through the day_

_And make it ok_

_I miss you_

I can't sleep that night but I still managed to get a little sleep. And when I woke up, the first thing I did was feel what's beside me, or what used to sleep beside me. I do not know why, but I can't remember what happened the day before. So I thought he left early for work. I got up from bed feeling like something is wrong. I saw Meredith asleep on the couch and I suddenly wondered what the hell is she doing here, and then I noticed Burke's trumpet was gone. I frantically looked around, his stuff are gone. I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. I stood there in dead silence.

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do, reminds me of you_

After standing there staring at the door for a minute, I went to the kitchen to make coffee. First I made mine, and then I got another mug, for Burke, not for Meredith. But I remembered that he is gone. Maybe I'm just so used to doing things for him. All that confusion filled up inside of me once more and in my rage, I threw both mugs to the floor. I just can't control myself. I suddenly started sobbing. I feel so lost. For a second I felt useless, something I have never felt before. I feel useless because I was not doing what I have wanted to do, and that's marrying Burke, make him happy. I felt a comforting hand placed on my shoulder and I hear Meredith telling me that it's alright to cry and that this will soon pass.

"I can't do this..." I tell her.

"Can't do what?" she asks me.

"I can't go in there and face him like nothing happened!" I scream at her face and she looks at me with disbelief. I cool down and she goes prepare her stuff.

"I'm sorry."

"I know...I understand."

It suddenly reminds me of me and Burke. That's what happens when we fight. We fight and then we kiss and make-up...It always happens.

"Ain't you going to work with me?" she asks me. I don't know. I really don't feel like going to work today. Even if we are now residents. But if I tell her I am not, I might get some sermon or get a little visit from the Nazi herself.

"Um...I'll just follow later." I lied to her.

"Okay then...see you later." She tells me and she gives me a long hug and she leaves.

_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do_

I then sat down on a chair in the kitchen, and I suddenly remember...this is where Burke proposed to me...And this is where I said yes. A small tear rolled down my face and I hurriedly stood up and walked around the apartment. Everything I walk by holds a memory.

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much how I need you right now?_

Did he think that I can't handle the pressures of being his wife? For a moment I was so mad at him that I grab a picture of us together and I shattered it. I can't control myself; I suddenly break everything there is to break.

_When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone the words I need to hear _

_To always get me through the day_

_And make it ok_

_I miss you_

A few hours later I find myself leaning on where his trumpet used to be, looking worse than last night. Am I going insane? So much misfortune has happened to me...I can't take it anymore. I wanted to die.

(Meredith's POV)

I felt pretty uneasy. Cristina's not here yet. I tried calling her, no answer. I tried paging her, nothing. It's been almost 3 hours. 3! She should be here right now! I guess I should go check in her apartment.

"Where ya' going?" Izzie asks.

"I'm going to check on Cristina." As I said that, a confused look formed on her face.

"She isn't here yet? She should be here now! Is she forgetting who she is? I'm coming with you!" Izzie catches up with me. George meets us in the lobby.

"Where ya' going?" He asks us. Izzie tells him we are going to Cristina. Another confused look and more questions and he joins us. I think about what Izzie told me earlier. Is she really forgetting who she is? I'm glad George and Izzie joined me...this might take a lot of convincing.

(Burke's POV)

Is she here? Is she here? I start pacing around the hallways, hoping to see her. My Cristina...the one who does not do rings, the one who is the best at everything she does, the one whom I met, who I knew, and who I loved. It's my fault. I made things worse. I turned her into someone else. Then I shattered her. It's all because of me.

(Cristina's POV)

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were_

I was willing to do anything for him. I loved him. I know he loves me too, but did he trust me? I don't believe in happily ever afters but I could give him his "happily ever after"! ME! I'm so mad at myself. I wanna kill myself but I can't. I think about all those people I will leave behind.

_All I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I do I give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me_

_When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone the words I need to hear _

_To always get me through the day_

_And make it ok_

_I miss you_

I need someone to be here right now. Someone who will always be here with me. I hear the door open and I hear Meredith's voice. Just the one I needed. I ran up to her and I hug her like there isn't any tomorrow anymore. I notice Izzie was there, as well as George. Meredith breaks the hug and I can see her tears rolling down. She takes a big breath.

"Where did Cristina go?" she asks me. I suddenly realized I'm not being myself. I don't smash things. I don't sob for hours. I don't fall into crumpled heaps. My goodness, I'm Cristina Yang! Cristina goes to work and save lives, not cry over a failed wedding for hours!

I turn back to my old self and I tell her, and I tell everyone in this room, "She returned". And Meredith, Izzie, and George all take relieved breaths, and Izzie, being a neat person, suddenly mutters "Now what the hell happened here?" and I look around the mess I had mindlessly caused. I laughed. We all laughed. Now that's something I should have missed.

I guess I'm ready to leave what happened before and just move on. I'm going to start all over again.

Phew! I felt like this was really long! I really hope this turns out well and please review!


	2. Starting all over again

Title: When You're Gone (Chapter 2)

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's but if I did there would be less crying, more happiness...and Isaiah Washington wouldn't get fired (Look what you did Shonda!).

Note: The first chapter was all POV. Now, this isn't POV anymore. Also has some humor in it. We still don't know about George but in this story he will be repeating his internship and won't be going to Mercy West. And this story is also for those who don't want Lexie Grey. I just look at her and I remember Meredith's crazy father. She won't be in this story. Oh, and I created a reason as to why Burke will leave SGH since we still don't know what will happen to him. Enjoy!

She walked in front of that big building and the first thing she felt was anxiety. Anxious because of the looks of pity. Anxious because of the things people say. And most of all, anxious because he is there. Right now.

"Aren't you going in?" Izzie asks her. She's really nervous. Her palms are sweating and her tummy is doing back flips.

"Yeah sure." And they go in together.

Yes, this was what she had expected. When she walked in, everyone paused. But to Izzie and Cristina's relief, everyone immediately went back to their usual doings.

"I guess the news traveled fast around here." She muttered under her breath. Then they went straight to the Chief's office, and were surprised to see the same person there.

"Chief Webber? What are you still doing here?" Izzie asked.

"Nobody wanted to be Chief." Alex answered for Chief.

"It's a long story, now sit down." Chief told them. Then he went on to congratulate them for passing their intern exams and reminded them, again, of their responsibilities being surgeons and told them the good news that George won't be leaving. Everyone grinned and smiled at that. Chief then told them they could leave, with the exception of Cristina.

"Yang, sit down" Chief told her but Cristina didn't move. She knew what was coming.

"Cristina..."

"Look Chief..." she suddenly interrupted him. "I'm okay. I can operate, I can work. That's why I'm here. Trust me Chief. I'm not going on scut." She confidently told him and she went out of his office. Meredith and George were waiting for her.

"What did he tell you?" George asked her.

"The usual 'are you okay?' 'can you work today?'" She replied, sounding pretty bugged off.

"You should expect a lot of those questions today Cristina. Everyone knows." Meredith said in a slightly sing-song voice.

"So, how's life with Derek? Do you know what happened?" Cristina asked.

"Of course...things are going pretty bad. But not worse, just bad." Meredith said.

And then they came across Derek in the hallway. And the first person he talked to was Cristina, asking her how she is and all sorts of things. And then Derek pulled Meredith aside and went to some corner. A minute later, they came back looking all "bright and sunny".

"So I'll see you later...Dr.McDreamy." and Meredith planted a kiss on Derek's lips. "Well..." Meredith sighed. "That got fixed." She smiled.

"You're lucky. At least you're love life is not 'McDead'. Not like mine..." but Cristina wasn't able to continue. She was looking straight ahead.

"Oh, um...it's him Cristina." George gulped. Yes, it's Burke, talking to Nurse Olivia. Probably asking if Cristina is already here. Cristina suddenly backed away but Meredith won't let her.

"Don't worry, he's leaving." Meredith reassured her. Olivia spotted them and she mouthed the words "He's gone." And she gave them the thumbs up. A sign that it's okay to continue.

In some other part of SGH...

"She's here" Derek told Burke, who suddenly looked at him with surprise in his eyes.

"Where?!" Burke frantically looked around.

"Looks like she just came out of Chief's office. She looks the same though. Confident, chin up. The usual." Derek told him. Mark suddenly joined in, "She's here? Did you talk? What happened?".

"The usual. She ain't going on scut you know, Tough chick that Cristina." Derek said and Burke looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing."

In that elevator...

Cristina was standing there quietly thinking about her first surgery as a resident. But her thoughts got interrupted when Addison came in. They stood there without a word for a few seconds until Addison started talking.

"Pretty exciting huh?" Addison said. "You know, first day as a resident and all that." She added.

"Yeah...look, I know what you want to ask. So just so you know, I'm okay." Cristina said and smiled.

"Well, that's good to know. Oh, here's my floor." Addison smiled and went out.

And then Sydney came in with that big, annoying grin on her face.

"So..." Sydney chuckled in her usual annoying way. "Do you want some therapy sessions? If you want some, I'm right here!"

"Why would I want therapy sessions?" Cristina asked her.

"I'm worried you might turn crazy, that's all." Sydney said, still smiling.

"I'm not going crazy Sydney. And I don't do therapy sessions." Cristina smirked and went out the elevator.

"I'm still here if you need me!" Sydney shouted from the elevator.

"Crazy shrink wanna-be." Cristina muttered under her breath.

Later that day...

Cristina was just walking around, passing time before her surgery begins. She's really excited about it but is trying to cool down as to not be like Izzie who is hyper and jumps around like a maniac when she's excited or super happy.

And actually, she is right now.

Izzie hopped and skipped to Cristina with a really big grin, much like Sydney's, but less annoying.

"I did it!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Did what?" Cristina asked Izzie.

But before Izzie could reply she spotted the others who were approaching them, looking like they were worried because Izzie might lose her sanity. Izzie ran to them, her pearly whites all showing.

"What's her problem?" Alex asked Cristina.

"She did something."

"Izzie, calm down!" George held Izzie firmly. She calmed down slightly.

"What happened?" Meredith asked Izzie.

"I just finished my first surgery...As a resident!" and Izzie started squealing again.

"Cristina I think she's freaking out here could you get sarcastic for us again?" Meredith asked Cristina but she seems to have vanished. Probably because of that surgeon named Preston Burke who just sat down on a nearby chair asking himself if that was Cristina Yang he just saw.

"Guys..." George nudged Alex and Izzie. "Look behind..."

Suddenly, Izzie, who was still overflowing with joy, noticed that Cristina had vanished and thought of an idea.

"You guys saw..." but Meredith got cut off when Izzie pulled her to join the others and they huddled.

"If he spots us he will ask us where Cristina is. If we don't tell him, he will look for her himself and they will meet, which Cristina wouldn't want..." Izzie continued on and on.

A minute later Izzie was doing her crazy act again and this time she approached Burke.

"Ah, Izzie! Do you know where..." but Burke was cut off by Izzie squealing and giggling. She didn't let Burke say a word. And the others went looking for Cristina.

Janitor's closet...

Cristina sat there, waiting for the right time to come out. When that time finally came, she stood up but the Nazi suddenly came in.

"Hi Dr. Bailey! Bye Dr. Bailey!" Cristina smiled and said. She attempted to come out of the closet but Miranda got in her way. She had that "you-ain't-coming-out-of-here-until-you-tell-me-what-the-hell-is-going-on" look on her face.

"Why are you here?" Miranda asked.

"Uh well...because...you know..." Cristina stuttered, trying to find an excuse but the Nazi (who knows things and sees things by the way) caught her red-handed.

"You're hiding from him aren't you?" Miranda asked her.

"I'm not hiding. I'm not hiding from anyone!" Cristina said.

"Kill it Yang." Miranda chuckled. "You are hiding from Burke!" Miranda smirked.

"Ok Dr.Bailey you win...I'm hiding from Burke." Cristina sighed.

"Why?"

"Actually..." Cristina giggled and continued "I don't know!"

"Uh-huh, right." Miranda leaned on the door. "I know what you want to do. You want to forget about Burke and the memories yada, yada, yada, and just move along. Am I right Cristina?" Miranda said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes..."

"So why are you hiding from him?"

"He reminds me..."

"Of what?"

"Of...of...of everything!"

"If you will avoid him forever, then you won't forget him...forever." Miranda told Cristina whose eyes were cast downward.

"Cristina...Cristina look at me..." Miranda told her. Cristina then looked at Miranda.

"Get out of this closet and forget your past. Stop hiding and escaping Cristina. You're not being yourself. Get out there. Show them what ya' got. You hear me Yang?"

Cristina nodded and smiled. Before Cristina could come out Dr.Bailey added one more thing.

"And Cristina?"

"What?"

"Just call me Miranda okay?"

"Sure."

2 hours later...

Cristina walked along the hallways with a big smile on her face. She just finished her first surgery as a resident and was almost to the point of skipping down the hallways.

Her pager rang and she was busy reading the message that she bumped in to...surprise surprise, Dr. Burke.

Silence reigned. Time stopped. They looked into each others eyes.

"Cristina..." but before Burke could say anything more Cristina ran away and hurriedly went up the steps.

On-call room (I'm not sure if that's what ya' call the place where Addison and Alex did the McNasty)...

Cristina ran inside the room, hoping to escape from Burke. But before she could close the door, Burke was able to catch up and he opened the door and entered. Cristina turned away from Burke. Burke did not know what to say, but he told her the news anyway. "Cristina, I just wanted you to know...I'm leaving Seattle Grace. I got a job offer in Alabama. I got offered the position of Chief of Surgery..." and he trailed off. He didn't know what to say at all.

"I just wanted you to be the first to know."

Still, Cristina did not say anything. Burke decided to tell her what he wanted to tell her.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he stepped closer. He wanted an answer.

Cristina leaned on the wall, the expression on her face almost like that one when she mindlessly shouted at Meredith.

"Cristina...I want an answer Cristina. Answer me!" his voice suddenly becoming serious. He suddenly heard her sniffle, and he thinks he saw a tear rolling down her face. It was clear she was crying.

"Didn't you trust me? Didn't you believe in me?" she asked him, still leaning on the wall.

"I never doubted you Cristina." Burke told her. He approached Cristina, held her close and told her, "I'm sorry." She broke free of Burke and started sobbing. She can't take it anymore.

"Go away!" she screamed.

"Cristina..."

"I loved you Burke." She said, finally facing him. Her voice sounding angry, sad, and confused at the same time.

"I love you too Cristina."

"Love? You dump me on our wedding day and then you tell me you love me?" she raised her voice at him.

"I wanted you to be happy. I knew you weren't happy. That wasn't what you wanted."

Cristina looked up at him. He continued.

"Look, if we got married then I know, I'm sure, you would be unhappy a few years later. And I will realize what I turned you into. You weren't Cristina anymore. I fell in love with the Cristina whom I met here, not that girl in a white dress freaking out because she scrubbed of her vows. You were not Cristina at that time. And if that kept on, then I would have been a very guilty man. I wanted you to have your life back."

Burke held her hands.

"But that does not mean I had stopped loving you." Burke told her.

Cristina stood still for a while, realizing what Burke had done for her.

She didn't want him to leave. She will miss his touch.

His love.

She will miss him.

She suddenly broke down and went in to Burke's arms. She hugged him tightly, never wanting to let go.

Burke loved that moment. She in his arms, time seemed to stop.

Her sobbing ceased and she just held him there.

"Thank you..." she murmured.

"For what?" Burke whispered.

"For letting me go...even if I did not want it."

Burke thought for a second about what she meant when she said 'even if I did not want it' before he realized.

"Let's start all over again. Don't leave me..." Cristina told him.

He kissed her on the forehead and reassured her "okay, Cristina. Okay."

And he pulled her closer and they kissed.

Great! The happy ending people wanted! Yes, Burke's not leaving SGH in this story. Writing this took pretty much a lot of time since it's pretty long! And somehow, I feel different after writing this...I don't know why.

Anyway thanks to all those who read and reviewed this story! I hope you liked it!


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